Baggage Claim

Every man has them.  Some have big ones.  Some have small ones.  Sometimes it hurts to empty them.  Some let them get so big and full it's like an explosion when there's finally a release.Women have them too.  Many women get them from dealing with Men.  Quite a few from their fathers.

Have you claimed your baggage?


There's no doubt that even the most well-adjusted, emotionally stable adult can have baggage.  It's an important issue that I think not everyone understands before deciding to date someone.  The most important aspect of this though is dealing with baggage within a relationship.  Even if you are not delusional and understand that you have baggage, how do you go about entering and sustaining a healthy, successful relationship while still dealing with it?  I've watched enough Couples Therapy and read enough articles to know that many psychologists will say that you need to find a partner suitable for you that can accept and help you work through your baggage.  But is that the best way to get past it?  Is it fair to even expose anyone to your issues before truly dealing with them on your own?  That's hard for many people to do, especially those who don't even realize that they have baggage until a significant other holds the mirror up for them.


I dated a man once who was riddled with so much baggage it was crippling.  Obviously for him but for the relationship as a whole.  This was mostly because he could not articulate the issues he had, he just knew he had them and it affected his desire to commit.  Playing that scenario out in my head and now writing it out actually seems like I was totally naïve for believing that was the sole reason behind his commitment phobia.  In the end, by the time he figured it all out and was ready to work through it, it was too late.  The relationship was over and I moved on.


To me, the most logical way of dealing with emotional baggage is to be in a relationship where neither party judges each other.  Part of someone accepting that they have baggage and working through it is being able to communicate about it knowing that your partner is going to listen and be open and receptive to dealing with it.  Your partner may have trust issues, anger issues, and violent patterns that all stem from a prior relationship...and you may not.  But you have other issues of your own that you will subject your partner to.  Once you understand it requires compromise and you are willing to be unselfish about it the journey becomes a lot easier. The other part requires patience.  I think patience is the hardest part. 

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ~ Rose Kennedy