On Being A Loner...

Although I am the last-born of three children, I grew up feeling like an only child.  This is in large part due to my siblings being significantly older than me (14 and 12 years).  I've been told that I operate like an only child; at times selfish, self-sufficient, and a loner.  Those things are true.  But there are positive things about this that I would like to share.  If there is anyone out there who grew up under similar circumstances, take heart.  There are invaluable aspects to this that you can appreciate and that you would not have had you not grown up this way.                                            


1) Learning how to be okay with being alone. 


I wasn't always alone as a kid.  I had school friends, neighborhood friends, and cousins that I would see during the holidays and summer vacations.  But when I came home everyday, there were no siblings to argue with.  No toys to hide.  No arguing over what TV channel I wanted to watch.  And I was okay with that.  By default I also had to learn how to play alone, how to entertain myself (which I still do today).  Sure I've been to and hosted a sleepover or two as a child, but it never really mattered to me whether I had them or not.  I learned early on about myself, what made me happy and what kept me entertained.  I didn't have a sibling close enough in age to influence whom or what I was into, so I gravitated toward the things I wanted instead of what others wanted.  As a result I became a person who didn't necessarily need to always have someone around.  As an adult I am comfortable living and doing things alone and seeking company only when I feel like I need it.  I won't pretend me being an introvert doesn't have a large part to do with it, but even if you are the opposite and relish in attention, growing up in pseudo isolation prepares you for the moments where all you have is you.


2) Being self sufficient
I find being almost completely self-sufficient as an adult invaluable.  The independence you feel from being able to accomplish things on your own is so freeing.  Of course you can't accomplish everything by yourself.  There are times that you will need someone to boost you up, steer you in the right direction, lift heavy things, and help you do things you just are not physically capable of.  But I find it comforting to know that I can do most things by myself.  I can only imagine the kind of despair I would have experienced if I were the kind of person that "needed" someone to check the oil in my car or do my laundry or grocery shopping.


3) Not being wrapped up in everyone else's life
You can become self-centered.  Which is bad and frustrating for any person you date but sometimes crucial when you are single.  Aside from a best friend or two, without close siblings who do you share personal things with?  Maybe a parent if you have that relationship.  But it tends to be a two-way street.  Being there for other people is a keystone for any important relationship, so it's easy to get wrapped up in other people's problems when they are used to relying on you.  It's a part of life and a good thing to be emotionally available to loved ones, but it's also exhausting.


I am still learning to balance a lot of these qualities with opposite traits to be a better person over all.  Easier said than done, as much of it is imbedded.  But I like who I am and I'm one to find a silver lining in everything.

The thing about relationships

I firmly believe that no matter how intuitive being selfless and attentive may be for you, no one is ever really prepared to be in a situation where you always have to consider someone else in your decision-making.  Other than parenthood, or some other scenario where you have taken on the task of caring for a loved one or relative, as an adult your first instinct is to live and problem-solve using your own judgment, and the only person you assume it affects is you.

I was speaking to someone the other day who is nearing 40 and has been single for the past 5 years.  She says she thinks her problem is that she is too set in her ways and not only does she not want to make compromises (because she is basically at peace with her flaws), but she doesn't have the patience to deal with anyone else's flaws. Yea...  I did not ask her the obvious questions like "aren't you lonely?" or "but who kills the spiders for you?".  I know those are things that she has resigned her self to dealing with.  The bigger question is, is being that selfish worth it?  Do the benefits of independence and acceptance outweigh potential lifelong partnership?  I think the answer is only if the lifelong partnership is with someone who is not well suited for you.

" Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."~ Bob Marley

Here is Why Chris Rock is Amazing

I laugh, but I also always feel a little less smart after listening to him speak.  I find him brilliant, and along with other older Black celebrities has reached a point in his career where he can say whatever he wants and no one holds him to the high level of scrutiny or political correctness as most other entertainers.  One could argue that comedians naturally are given creative license in this regard, but it goes further than that.  He doesn't just make "white people crazy" jokes.  He makes "white people crazy" jokes with real insight.  And he's not saying anything that goes above our heads.  It's insightful, factual, socio-political commentary that is hilarious without being too threatening.  It makes white people uncomfortable because it's true.  And he seems to revel in that discomfort.  I don't know whether he enjoys making white people uncomfortable or he just doesn't give a fuck.  But that seems to be the genius of it. In fact, that is the very essence of his charm.  He doesn't just say things to get a reaction, his thoughts are sincere. 


I've always said that there is a difference between being witty and being funny.  One is not better than the other, but there is a difference.  I often associate most humor with farce, physical comedy, or slapstick.  Chris Rock jokes are none of those things.  But he still manages to hit smart punch lines without sounding like an intellectual snob.  It's the greatest thing to me.


Right now he is on a hell of a truth tour to promote his new movie Top Five.  Like most Chris Rock films, it has some critical acclaim but at first glance you know it won't do as well in the box office as you'd want it to.  Overall I would say his films give you only a glimpse of his genius.  He's come a long way from "Pookie".  And I'm here for it.

Lena Dunham

I felt compelled to chime in on all the hullabaloo surrounding Lena Dunham's book excerpt from Not That Kind of Girl detailing the interaction between herself and her sister's private parts, and the overall criticism of her as a person:

Yes, she is neurotic and annoying. Yes her writing is mediocre at best and the subject matter mostly trivial. I still watch her show even though I don't relate to any of her white people problems because I happen to find white people problems intriguing. I actually read her book. The "abuse" everyone is talking about happened when Lena was also a child. Was it wrong and a weird thing to be comfortable sharing with the world? Yes. Is it as horrific as everyone makes it seem, not to me. Sometimes I think people revel in being able to judge others. We all have our shit. More people than you realize have done something odd and perverted (not saying that her act was one of perversion, as it was described in her book as one of childlike curiosity). More people than you realize are neurotic, hypocrites, and "new racist" and "new black". What makes us judge everyone so harshly? Do we live up to the same standards we expect of celebrities?  The only issue I have as it relates to Lena Dunham is the fact that her story gets told and ours doesn't. She gets to be who she wants and tell her story her way and black people, women especially don't seem to get that same opportunity.

Black People Are Extra as Hell and I Love It

If you were to go through my Whatsapp saved photos you would be either utterly appalled or completely amused by it.  The random f*ckery that my girlfriend and I share through messenger is worthy of some judgment.  My phone drive is filled to the brim with memes, Instagram screenshots, and ridiculous tweets because we follow people who like us, appreciate the f*ckery.  I don't care because it's hilarious to me and someone else thought it was hilarious too, that's why it made it's way to these internets. 


But Black people...Black people crack me up.  I swear I can never comprehend racism against Black people because I find humor in most things we do, albeit ignorant (sometimes).  We have such a colorful and ostentatious way of being, as a whole.  We come up with a new slang word every day (I just learned what bando means and am determined to use it) and a new dance every three months, and I am here for it!  I would not want to be any other race.


I just started reading Lena Dunham's new book "Not That Kind of Girl", and I feel like I tapped into the psyche of white people and it's not as funny.  I'm not sure what that says about me.  It's obvious that one reason I cannot relate is because of cultural differences.  But it's almost like Black people don't seem to have to try so hard to be ridiculous and carefree and funny.  Except Kevin Hart.  Kevin Hart tries too hard.

7 Things I learned about being natural

I get it.  You're natural and proud.  You want people to respect you and still think you're beautiful even though you do not meet the European standard of beauty.  Didn't India Arie tell us we are not our hair???  By obsessing over hair you are actually doing nothing for the acceptance of black beauty.  I think what makes black women so beautiful is the fact that we come in all shades, body types, and hair textures.  I think many would agree that these distinctive traits are what makes us physically the most exotic and unique in comparison to all other races.  But you want to tell Black women that the only way to look is the way "God intended"?  I couldn't disagree with this sentiment more.

Furthermore, I don't believe it's healthy or productive to care what white people or anyone else thinks about your hair.  I don't think any other race of people (other minorities included) is sitting around saying golly, this group of people doesn't seem to appreciate my pale skin, maybe I should campaign against anybody who decides to tan.  Within every race and culture there is an acceptance of traditional standards of beauty as well as evolved, modern attitudes toward beauty.  As society has become more progressive I think the natural evolution is toward celebration of all hair types.

Perhaps I am an idealist.  But I am not one to tell people what to do with their hair.  I'm off my soapbox now.  LOL

As I approach one year of being relaxer free here are 7 things I've learned:

1) I probably would not have made this transition if I were not in a relationship.  I was not in one when I started, and I felt like I signed up for this for all the right reasons, but when it became difficult, and when I felt uncomfortable in my skin and not as pretty and not like "me" I didn't turn back because I met someone that thought I was beautiful either way and very supportive.  That helped.

2) Surprisingly, I became less of a product junkie.  The natural world is ridden with hair journey blogs, youtube product reviews and tutorials, and articles about what products work the best for your particular hair type.  Because one of my tenets was I would only make this transition if I could find a way to make it just as low-maintenance as when I used a relaxer, I made the decision to stick to one product line at a time.

3) It's not as high maintenance as people suggest.  The level of maintenance is really based on your style preferences. Obviously doing a twistout every night seems more time consuming than just doing a wrap every night, but if you're lazy like me you do a few and still obtain the look you want.  Don't get me wrong, there are days I spend a lot of time on it and still don't get it to look how I want, but I had those days with relaxed hair too.  Overall I spend less time on it than when I was flat ironing it every morning or pin curling it at night.

4) Having natural hair does change people's perception of you.  Even if you know you're generally accepted as attractive, you get the general sense that people have their minds made up about the kind of person you are, what beliefs you have, what kind of men you are attracted to.  You are automatically presumed to be less superficial, which oddly is a turn-off for a lot of men.

5) Coconut oil is magical

6) Natural Nazi's are annoying.  As stated above, although I appreciate people who have a passion for authenticity, you don't get to tell people what they should do with their hair. Stop it.

7) Confidence is key! I won't shame anyone who feels more attractive with straight hair.  After all, it is a personal preference.  If you can't rock it with confidence, don't do it!  I still struggle with this at times, but it's getting better :-)

Chris Brown "X" --- Inside the mind of an R&B bad boy

Have you ever wanted to know what it was like to be a world-famous singer with a criminal past, raging hormones and relationship drama played out in front of the world?  Hold tight you might find a few tracks that lay it out for you.  The track heavy album has 21 songs on the Deluxe version and is  currently available for purchase on iTunes.  Here are my thoughts track for track:


X

The first line of the title track reads "If you're only as good as the company you keep, then imma blame you for what they say about me".  One can only speculate this would refer to his ex-girlfriend Rihanna, who in back in 2009 he was arrested for assaulting.  Their well-publicized on-again-off again relationship since the incident has been tabloid fodder and people are always looking for him to comment on it.  It might be a retrospective on that relationship, who knows.  It has a mellow, if not melancholy feel.

Add Me In

I can honestly say that this mid-tempo track had me moving my shoulders a little.  I found the melody to be very Michael Jackson-esque, which seems to be a reocurring motif with his work.  Overall I think it's a great song to groove to in your car or have in the background when entertaining.

Loyal 

This single, with help from Lil Wayne and Tyga quickly became the hit of summer 2014.  I won't lie, when I first heard this song the lyrics bothered me.  I had a problem with grooving to a joint that discounts the loyalty of women and referring to them as "hoes".  However, being as hip-hop inclined as I am, that would make me a hypocrite.  RnB has been married to hip hop culture (which includes a lot of misogyny) for many years now, and I can't listen to (old) Jay-Z and Rick Ross and be okay with it but be all "How dare he!" when RnB singers do it.  So I jam to it.  Sue me.

New Flame feat. Usher & Rick Ross

I was a little underwhelmed with this track.  On paper, everything about it seems to point to it being a huge hit.  From the production to the features, the song has all the ingredients of a hit.  But something is missing.  Perhaps the lyrics are a bit formulaic, and the verse from Rick Ross was unnecessary.  However, I always enjoy a good Usher collabo, and am glad that male RnB singers enjoy working together.  Which brings me to...

Songs on 12 play

Trey Songz and Chris Brown have been friends for years.  Both from Virginia, they entered the music business as teenagers and have grown into R. Kellys of this generation.  I think this persona works for both of them because it seems pretty genuine.  They really do live that lifestyle.  In case you didn't know, the title of the song is an ode to R. Kelly's famous 12play album.  I get the whole vibe they were going for here.  The song is sexy.  If you like sexy, this will be your shit.  You might even want to add it to your sex song list.

Drown in It

I would have the same sentiments about this song as the previous track, if it weren't for the R.Kelly feature.  I know I am not the only one who cannot get past the accusations about Mr. R-Uh. It is a sexy song indeed, and I respect the fact that Chris wanted to work with someone who had such a major influence on the very genre he is a part of.  I gotta draw the line at alleged pedophelia though.

Came to Do

This sounds a lot like "Loyal".  It's a pretty good jam though.  Akon is on it.  I was just wondering where he's been.  Now I know.  Singing on Chris Brown's song.  Who knew?

Stereotype

Another look inside his mind.  Again, you wonder who exactly he's directing his words to.  Is it his current girlfriend or his ex?  Maybe a combination of women he's known and dated.  One lyric states "you have become my biggest regret".  The lyrics are not as insightful as they could be, and I think it relies heavily on the heavy dance beat.  I can't quite see myself dancing to this though.

Time for Love

This might be my favorite song so far.  I hear a sample from "Juicy Fruit" by Mtume.  I am always here for that beat.  Always!

Lady in a Glass Dress (Interlude)

Who is the lady in a glass dress? I think it's a metaphor for something but haven't figured it out yet.

Autumn Leaves feat. Kendrick Lamar

Pretty Melody.  Perfect song for a Kendrick Feature.  I am a Kendrick fan.  I appreciate his lyrics because he's really great at painting a picture with his words and that's one of my criteria for a great lyricist.  Overall this is a very chill song.  An extra verse or two from Kendrick and you could throw it in the middle of Good Kid M.A.A.D city and it would fit right in.

Do Better feat. Brandy

More insight into Chris Brown's inner turmoil with relationships.  Of course her "girlfriends think you ain't shit".  You don't have the best track record with women my friend.  The theme here is "if I knew better I would do better".  I do really like this song though.  Judge me if you must but I always thought Brandy was a little underrated as a singer.  I love her voice and she can do runs like you wouldn't believe.  This was a great collabo.  I listened to it twice in a row.

See You Around

I really thought I was listening to Mumford and Sons until the drums hit.  I can see this being a pop chart-topper a-la "Forever" from his Exclusive album.  It has a crossover appeal.  So far it's my least fave.  It just doesn't grab me.

Don't be gone too long

Phew.  I was getting worried he had left EDM behind.  This is sure to be a club fave.  With the heavy club beat you can't go wrong.  Bring out the glowsticks!

Body Shots

Album filler in my opinion.  Definitely has an EDM feel.

Drunk Texting feat. Jhene Aiko

Here he collabs with the self-proclaimed Sade of this generation, Jhene Aiko.  Seems like she offered more or less background vocals.  As the title suggests, Chris Brown is inclined to drunk texting.  Aren't we all? I'd probably skip this song.

Lost in ya Love

Another mid-tempo groove.  Saturday house cleaning music is what I like to call this.  Good melody although the lyrics are not catchy.  Maybe after a few listens.

Love More

I wish I loved this song more.  It's gotten tons of spins on the radio, and depending on my mood I will  jig to it.  It's a dance song and I guess would serve its purpose at the club.  Guess you gotta have at least two of these kinda songs on the album.

Don't Think They Know

RIP. Aaliyah.  I appreciate this song.  The lyrics appear to be about fan appreciation.  I like the beat.  The late Aaliyah's vocals were a nice addition.

Fine China

My fave overall.  This song was released almost a year ago with a video.  Everything from the rhythm to the smooth vocals to the MJ feel I appreciate everything about this song.  He clearly saved the best for last.  If this song doesn't make you want to dance I'm judging you.  Not really (but really).


Overall, there's a little bit of everything on this album.  There are more songs I like than those I don't care for, so I guess that makes it pretty good!

On a scale of wack to dope I would give it a dope minus.

Baggage Claim

Every man has them.  Some have big ones.  Some have small ones.  Sometimes it hurts to empty them.  Some let them get so big and full it's like an explosion when there's finally a release.Women have them too.  Many women get them from dealing with Men.  Quite a few from their fathers.

Have you claimed your baggage?


There's no doubt that even the most well-adjusted, emotionally stable adult can have baggage.  It's an important issue that I think not everyone understands before deciding to date someone.  The most important aspect of this though is dealing with baggage within a relationship.  Even if you are not delusional and understand that you have baggage, how do you go about entering and sustaining a healthy, successful relationship while still dealing with it?  I've watched enough Couples Therapy and read enough articles to know that many psychologists will say that you need to find a partner suitable for you that can accept and help you work through your baggage.  But is that the best way to get past it?  Is it fair to even expose anyone to your issues before truly dealing with them on your own?  That's hard for many people to do, especially those who don't even realize that they have baggage until a significant other holds the mirror up for them.


I dated a man once who was riddled with so much baggage it was crippling.  Obviously for him but for the relationship as a whole.  This was mostly because he could not articulate the issues he had, he just knew he had them and it affected his desire to commit.  Playing that scenario out in my head and now writing it out actually seems like I was totally naïve for believing that was the sole reason behind his commitment phobia.  In the end, by the time he figured it all out and was ready to work through it, it was too late.  The relationship was over and I moved on.


To me, the most logical way of dealing with emotional baggage is to be in a relationship where neither party judges each other.  Part of someone accepting that they have baggage and working through it is being able to communicate about it knowing that your partner is going to listen and be open and receptive to dealing with it.  Your partner may have trust issues, anger issues, and violent patterns that all stem from a prior relationship...and you may not.  But you have other issues of your own that you will subject your partner to.  Once you understand it requires compromise and you are willing to be unselfish about it the journey becomes a lot easier. The other part requires patience.  I think patience is the hardest part. 

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ~ Rose Kennedy

Am I a Feminist?

For a long time I sort of just assumed that feminism is something completely innate to all women.  Being a woman and being a feminist seems to go hand in hand.  However, lately I've realized that this definition seems to vary for each individual.  A quick Google search yields this definition:

fem·i·nism

ˈfeməˌnizəm/

noun

noun: feminism

1. the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

But what does Feminism mean to me?  Well for one, feminism means not supporting those who are against gender equality.  Can you really call yourself a feminist if you are against equal pay and equal treatment in the social and political landscape? Not in my view.

There is an aspect I struggle with.  Is equal treatment with regard to sexual promiscuity a feminist concept?  Some would argue that feminism means not being a thot.  Thots can't be feminists because thots by definition are women who are sexually promiscuous (the word is an acronym for "that hoe over there").  No matter how progressive the women's movement has been, by society's current standards there is nothing empowering about promiscuity.  I don't judge people who choose to share their body with everyone, and it has nothing to do with women's rights and gender equality.  Perhaps even use of the word itself is anti-feminist, I don't know.  But while there are many ways to define what isn't feminism, it seems to me there are many schools of thought and philosophies about what it is.  It also seems possible to agree with and support the general idea of the advancement of women's rights while supporting concepts and philosophies that contradict the those embedded in feminism.  Which is why I wonder whether calling someone a thot in the first place means I am not a feminist.

It's all so confusing.  It is just a title though.  I am not one for titles and placing myself in a respective box so that it makes it easy for others to think they have me figured out.  I do think that the movement has brought some positive attention to women's rights.  I also think there are some people that use the term without really defining it for themselves.  I suppose one is entitled to support equal treatment in some aspects and not others.  Where does the line get drawn?

I will continue to support advancements in women's rights until we really get to run the world.  In the meantime, I will be inspired by news like this: http://jezebel.com/aol-ceo-to-lead-venture-fund-aimed-at-female-led-startu-1629743454

#Ferguson

I have spent a day or two trying to think of how to write something eloquent and poignant about Mike Brown's death, but I feel like my sentiments have been shared by a majority of the people that I follow on social media.  There are so many questions and not enough answers.  People are angry, and justifiably so.  Although we don't know everything that there is to know about the incident we do know another young unarmed black man lost his life at the hands of police.  There is a deep, looming sense that this country doesn't value human life.  A country that promotes human rights with such vigor as to condemn, disparage, and invade other countries is itself in gross violation of human rights.


And yes people, this IS a race issue.  This is not about what crime Mike Brown allegedly committed before he was gunned down.  This is a consistent, anarchic slaying of individuals who would likely still be alive if some officer did not look at them and find them "blocking traffic" or even worse "wearing a hoodie"...all while being black.  For the naysayers that contend the police are just doing their job and it has nothing to do with the color of their skin I challenge you to find the same alarming circumstances and statistics for white teenage boys.  Though I can honestly say I have a slight mistrust for police I don't believe in generalizing.  I know that not all officers set out to kill black kids and some are scared and inexperienced.  However, their cowardice and lack of experience is not our problem.  This should not be our problem.  THAT IS NOT OUR PROBLEM.  Our problem is that too often when a life is taken in the same manner as Mike Brown, the victim's families don't have any recourse or resolve.  No one pays.  No strong message gets sent.  Our problem is that we have media that sensationalizes the story and provides inaccurate, irrelevant or completely false reports.  The sad part is I think many journalists don't realize or forget the role they play in the grand scheme of things.  It goes far beyond journalistic integrity.  The media (and I say media because although bloggers are not journalists in the traditional sense, they report the news and are just as responsible for the proliferation of these stories) has a social responsibility to those who engage and rely on accurate reporting.


I don't believe in rioting.  It should be common sense that trashing your own neighborhoods or that of others does not further your cause.  I get that you want to show how angry you are, but if the fight is against violence toward your people, why show everyone how violent you are?


Some real questions I have that I would like answered:


1) If there wasn't any police misconduct on their end, why haven't any substantive details been released?


2) Are celebrities doing enough?  (I wish there were as many celebs talking about Mike Brown's death as there are doing ALS ice water challenges)


3) Is social media really a platform for change?


4) Can states pass a law prohibiting the use of deadly force by law enforcement were there is no visible threat of deadly force?


"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm back bitches!

Hi!!!

Thank you to all 307 people who visited my blog.  You have inspired me to keep writing.  I'm not even being sarcastic.  I always knew writing is one of my favorite outlets, but I didn't realize how much I truly enjoy expressing myself this way.  Sometimes I feel like I express myself so much better on paper than in real life.  No matter the purpose I am happy to share my thoughts and experiences with you all.  I know you want nothing more! LOL.


Just over 10 years ago if you wanted to be exposed to a random person's anal cavity you either had to go to a porn site or solicit them from a seedy chat room.  Now all you have to do to be inadvertently exposed to such things is jump on twitter.  Yay internet!  I for one am truly grateful for the advancements in technology over the last few years, but let's not pretend it doesn't have it's drawbacks...

My hair will never be as laid as this and it makes me sad

So much has changed in the last couple of years.  Blogging has become the ultimate social media conduit and for every ten people I know at least one has a blog.  I'd like to think that the things published on my blog will stand out and have some profound impact but let's face it, you're either looking for something to entertain, cosign, or troll.  I'll write about whatever moves me and you can love me or leave me alone.  Either way, thanks again for stopping by!

I found a couple of draft blogs that I may pick back up and publish, so stay tuned :-)

You're Getting Uglier Every Day...

A recent bbm convo with one of my male friends:

Home Slice: So are you in a relationship yet?
Me: I'm more focused on starting my career right now.
Home Slice: You can focus on both.  Sometimes a good partner helps you focus.
Me: Blah Blah Blah. LOL
Home Slice: All I'm saying is if you like each other just make it official.  You're not getting any younger.  And you"re getting uglier every day.

So I got to thinking.  He's right.  I am not getting any younger, and my attractive quotient can only decrease exponentially at this point.  I'm still hoping they will invent something before I'm 40 that will completely halt the aging process.  Eff that I'm a 10!

This conversation also got me thinking about dreams deferred.  I always think it's so sad to hear people talk about their regrets; things they wished they would have accomplished while they were still young and full of vitality.  I don't want to be one of those people.  I'm going to grab life by the balls.

Random thoughts usually reserved for twitter:
1.  Mr. Cee likes men.  Well, receiving sexual favors from men.  I knew this time in hip hop would come.  Hopefully the community will not completely shun him.  He's here, he's queer, get over it!

2.  I wonder how people who used to date someone famous before they were famous feel when they see or hear about them on TV.  Like, is Oprah's high school sweetheart feeling like he really took an L?

3.  When my book gets published one day make sure you go out and buy it.  I have no idea what it's going to be about.

4.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed on this day in 68'.

5.  I wonder what that Hispanic guy from NY Undercover is up to these days.

I'm F*cking Jaded...

When I first started this blog I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to achieve with it.  Was I going to write about sex, relationships, pop culture? In my mind I'm perfectly capable of being the Black Carrie Bradshaw, but I have since come to the conclusion that this was a lame notion and dismissed it with a quickness.  I ultimately decided I would just use it as a public journal to share my thoughts.  Few people will read it, but at least I have an outlet to vent.  I always thought diaries were pointless.  I mean, you sit and collect your thoughts on paper and then what, go back and read them?  Anywhoo, I guess I just wanted to start off explaining the purpose behind this regularly scheduled discourse.

Back to the lecture at hand.

I'm f*king jaded.  It's not just me either.  I'm not quite sure if this is something that happens with age and experience but I know I'm not the only one around who feels completely unimpressed with what this world has to offer.  It's funny because I'm sure if you were to pull someone out of the 17th century and plant them in 2011 society they would shit themselves.  With technology evolving literally every second you get used to everything being done faster, easier, and in a more convenient manner.  But that's purely on the technology front.  People don't seem to fascinate me much anymore either.  I think someone could show up at my doorstep and play the guitar for me with only their toes and all I could do is give a blank stare.  It's like I've seen too much and yet I haven't seen much at all.  People are tattooing their foreheads with cartoons.  Women are injecting their buttocks with silicone.  Nine year-olds are having sex.  For all I know, all of the aforementioned things could be happening at the same time this very moment.

I have discussions with my friends about how I'm not even sure I want to be married because the fantasy no longer exists.  Disney lied to me.  All those fairy tales that little girls watch are clearly a crock of shit.  They don't tell you that after Cinderella gets married the Prince fathers a child out of wedlock, and has to pay child support.  They don't tell you that after Sleeping Beauty wakes up, she marries the Prince, then he leaves her for a hot young blonde.  You have to figure this out between the ages of 20-30 and even later for some deluded women.  I've seen broken marriages, cheating, abuse, and pure misery up close and personal through the eyes of loved ones, so you'll have to excuse me if I don't get excited when being asked out on a date.  Luckily for me, though holding on to my cynicism, I'm generally a happy person.  I try not to let the things that I've seen ruin my sense of optimism.  Actually, I consider myself more of a realist than a cynic.  I just wonder what it will take for me to be wowed by something again.  I mean really and truly dumbfounded and rendered speechless by something.  I haven't felt that way about anything in a long time. 

I just finished reading another blog's post about why Black men prefer not to get married.  One of the reasons highlighted is that men always hold out believing they will find something better.  Therein lies a conundrum.  People are so unimpressed with each other that no matter how great the other person is, after a while they start to think there might be someone better.  There are admittedly tons of options for men, but the argument comes full circle when you think about how being jaded + sense of entitlement = perpetual search for happiness.

All in all, I think the best way to deal with this feeling is to think about what I have to offer the world instead of what it has to offer me.  I am blessed in just about every way and I don't take that for granted.

Stay thirsty my friends.

Let Me Upgrade You...

Women work so hard to make themselves the perfect woman for every man.  Some men complain about having to do the approaching and endure rejection time and time again.  They also lament the pressure of having to make a lot of money, be funny and charming, and all the other things women look for in a man.  That kind of effort pales in comparison to the rigmarole women go through to catch a mate.  Weave, makeup, painful high heels, tight dresses, thongs, manicures, pedicures, and it's all for men.  So my question is, if you meet a man who is great in almost every way ( nice personality, intelligent, ambitious and most of all fairly compatible with you) is there anything wrong with attempting to make minor adjustments to his appearance?  Superficiality notwithstanding, a good man is great but a man with the right amount of "swag" (we need to come up with a new term) can take him from a 6.5 to an 8.  No one can help who they are attracted to, but part of me believes it's wrong for women to count a guy out because he doesn't dress the way you like or carry himself like he's Idris Elba.

Confidence is key.  Confidence is sexy. Both men and women are attracted this quality, so it's clearly a must.  But if a person is a little deficient in the fashion sense department I see nothing wrong with making a few suggestions here and there.  Needless to say, I'm not opposed to a fixer-upper.  You can't change a person, but if they're open to your suggestions, why not give them a little style boost?  I see no issue as long as it does not oppress the essence of who they really are.  Most men use their girlfriends as personal stylists anyway.  I see lots of fixer-uppers.  They often do not know they're a fixer upper though, which is kinda funny.  Moral of the story is, you don't have to let someone with potential go to waste.  Sure they may find someone who loves them just the way they are, but you might love them AND be able to make them better in several ways, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I bet Beyonce picks out Hov's attire, and he picks out her wigs.

Have a great weekend!

Sluts Are Winning...

I have been saying this to my friends for months now, and it seems quite obvious.  There is a new breed of woman running about and it seems quite apparent that women who use their sexuality and who seemingly bring nothing else to the table appear to be reaching new heights of success.  I'm no simpleton, I know that women have been getting over on their looks since the beginning of time, but this is a whole new ball game.  Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose are the first to come to mind.  Yet even your average around the way girl with a phat ass and pretty face seem to be on the come up a lot quicker than some of my more educated female friends.  They marry faster, don't work as hard, and pretty much have the world at their fingertips.  This is not meant as a hateful rant against good-looking women, but it does send a message.  The message is if you're pretty...f*ck school.  I have an advanced degree and you know what, if I had ever thought to use my looks and achieve half of the money and success that Kimmy K has, I would have never have done the extra schooling and become Sallie Mae's bitch.  Again, i'm not hating, I'm just trying to figure out how I can give the daughter I may have someday any real reason to work hard if she's pretty enough not to.  I pray to baby Jesus that my child never releases a sex tape publicly, and I definitely will be disappointed if they choose to forego education and achieve success through their looks alone.

Amber Rose has a reality show coming out...fml