Although I am the last-born of three children, I grew up feeling like an only child. This is in large part due to my siblings being significantly older than me (14 and 12 years). I've been told that I operate like an only child; at times selfish, self-sufficient, and a loner. Those things are true. But there are positive things about this that I would like to share. If there is anyone out there who grew up under similar circumstances, take heart. There are invaluable aspects to this that you can appreciate and that you would not have had you not grown up this way.
1) Learning how to be okay with being alone.
I wasn't always alone as a kid. I had school friends, neighborhood friends, and cousins that I would see during the holidays and summer vacations. But when I came home everyday, there were no siblings to argue with. No toys to hide. No arguing over what TV channel I wanted to watch. And I was okay with that. By default I also had to learn how to play alone, how to entertain myself (which I still do today). Sure I've been to and hosted a sleepover or two as a child, but it never really mattered to me whether I had them or not. I learned early on about myself, what made me happy and what kept me entertained. I didn't have a sibling close enough in age to influence whom or what I was into, so I gravitated toward the things I wanted instead of what others wanted. As a result I became a person who didn't necessarily need to always have someone around. As an adult I am comfortable living and doing things alone and seeking company only when I feel like I need it. I won't pretend me being an introvert doesn't have a large part to do with it, but even if you are the opposite and relish in attention, growing up in pseudo isolation prepares you for the moments where all you have is you.
2) Being self sufficient
I find being almost completely self-sufficient as an adult invaluable. The independence you feel from being able to accomplish things on your own is so freeing. Of course you can't accomplish everything by yourself. There are times that you will need someone to boost you up, steer you in the right direction, lift heavy things, and help you do things you just are not physically capable of. But I find it comforting to know that I can do most things by myself. I can only imagine the kind of despair I would have experienced if I were the kind of person that "needed" someone to check the oil in my car or do my laundry or grocery shopping.
3) Not being wrapped up in everyone else's life
You can become self-centered. Which is bad and frustrating for any person you date but sometimes crucial when you are single. Aside from a best friend or two, without close siblings who do you share personal things with? Maybe a parent if you have that relationship. But it tends to be a two-way street. Being there for other people is a keystone for any important relationship, so it's easy to get wrapped up in other people's problems when they are used to relying on you. It's a part of life and a good thing to be emotionally available to loved ones, but it's also exhausting.
I am still learning to balance a lot of these qualities with opposite traits to be a better person over all. Easier said than done, as much of it is imbedded. But I like who I am and I'm one to find a silver lining in everything.
